I have a confession.
I’m not naturally gifted when it comes to Mommyhood or domesticity.
I actually have to try really, really hard when it comes to excellence in areas of parenting, housekeeping, cooking, and cleaning.
And, those extra special skills like sewing, knitting, gardening, or making jam?
This Momma don’t play dat.
Bathroom Breaks
Most days, my lack of proficiency in the Mommy skills areas doesn’t bother me too much.
But, I’ve had a rough few weeks.
Our household has been battling sickness after sickness, each of us befallen like dominoes with Winter Plague 2011.
And, just when I thought we had passed through Winter Plague 2011, it struck again.
This was also perfectly timed with the surprise bathroom renovation that is currently going on in our main bathroom.
Translation: this girl has been sharing a 3/4 bathroom with 4 boys for the past 3 weeks!
What we thought was a simple changing of a piece of moulding, revealed mold infested drywall, followed by the discovery of a mold infested shower, which all led to the very expensive discovery that we have a leak in our roof. So, the $8 trip to Lowe’s has turned into a small fortune of a renovation for us.
Let’s not even talk about the fact that yesterday, we learned that Mike may need a new alternator in the Volvo.
All that to say, I’ve been a little grouchy, irritable, and just not quite myself lately.
The Mommy Fail
Today brought the icing on the cake.
Upon picking up Lukas from preschool, there was a note with his things: “You forgot snacks today“.
I was humiliated.
I’m already the Mom who brings her son to school with his show and tell on the wrong day.
Now, I’m the Mommy who forgot to bring snacks.
You might not think that is such a big deal (they do have emergency snacks for such occasions), but for me it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I’ve been going through the past few weeks with this nagging feeling that I’m just not good at my job as a Mommy.
It wasn’t even exactly my desire to stay home with my boys.
But, it is the decision my hubs and I have made for this season.
I know a lot of stay at home moms and dads have these feelings.
And, I’m not sharing this with you so that I can have a pity party for myself in the blogosphere.
What I want to share with you is the way in which God draws me out of myself during these times.
Isaiah 58
I’ve found that this Oscar the Grouch attitude strikes me when I get too focused on my own problems, needs, and abilities.
When I lose sight of the glory of God and His sacrifice for me, I get downright ugly.
I’m not a fun person to be around.
A few weeks ago, our Pastor shared a sermon out of Isaiah 58.
It wasn’t even exactly related to what I’m sharing with you today, but I have been reading and re-reading this chapter daily since that sermon.
And, today, I realized it was exactly what I needed to hear from God amidst my epic failure.
From the prophet Isaiah (it’s a long passage, but I promise it’s totally worth it!):
6“Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
8“Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily spring forth;
And your righteousness will go before you;
The glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
9“Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am ‘
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
10And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.
11“And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
For me, God is saying,
“Get over yourself, Keri.
Go find someone who needs My Love, and you’ll see that you have something to give.
This is where you will find me.
This is where I will change you.
This is where I will be made known to you.
Where I will satisfy your desires, and make you feel whole in Me and Me alone.
Your strength will come through service to others.
Trust me to be your Strength.
Trust me to make your abilities more than you can imagine.
And, when you begin to see that and act on that,
Your gloom will turn to sunshine
I will give you strength and grace to face the day.”
That’s the simple word He gave to me today.
Like I said on Monday, notice how He always calls for personal responsibility and action?
But, through that action, He brings restoration, refreshing, and renewal.
I’m grateful for His love, His strength, and the fact that I can wake up tomorrow to a new day.
What about you? Do you ever feel down and out? How does God speak to you in the hard times, when you are in “the scorched places”?
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Great blog and great timing for me. As the mom of teenagers, I have been battling feelings of failure when my kids make poor decisions. I feel like: “If I were a better Mom, if I would have raised them better, they wouldn’t have done that.” This week has been especially telling! So thank you for sharing the scripture and your story. It has lifted me up this morning!
Helen, I’m so glad that God spoke to you through this post. I KNOW you are an awesome mom. And, you’ll be there to gently guide and direct your boys back to His heart, even when they make poor choices. I’ll be depending on you for guidance when my boys reach the teen years! he he he
Quite timely, in fact. It seems like all we’ve had a similar experience over the last 5-6 weeks or so: pipe burst in front lawn, had to replace the entire oven because it went out on us, emergency room visit for our 3 yo, 2 separate car issues, plus a few other ‘smaller’ things.. I have definitely felt this “piling on” feeling.
I REALLY like it when you wrote “God draws me out of myself “. I feel that is the key, as I so often make it about me (or even about my family, for that matter). When I come to the realization that it’s ultimately about Him and His glory, things change. Perspectives are shifted, and I have greater clarity when it comes to focusing on what really matters.
Great thoughts/post!
Hi Dustin…how odd that we have had similar experiences in the past few weeks. It can be soooo overwhelming, even when it’s a bunch of little things that pile up and not just something big. But, that’s just life, right? I have to push myself to stay focused on Him and His purposes in these “scorched places”. Being in fellowship with other believers keeps me grounded when it gets particularly difficult. And, isn’t it funny how easy it is to become stuck on ourselves? It’s like the default setting. Thanks for your thoughts, Dustin.
So the question is, my friend Keri:
You wrote this amazing blog posting, and you even quoted Scripture.
Can You remain here, in this strength, or will you again return to the land of “not being good enough” and “failure in my own eyes”?
I’m hoping you remain here. Here is a good place, indeed.
Hey Donald…either you’re a mind reader or we just have similar personalities. Because after I wrote this post last night, I was lying in bed thinking, “Can I do it in the morning? Can I be focused on Him and not on me?” Thank goodness He saw my weakness. I woke up to all these comments on the post and on FB and I’m so refreshed and encouraged. He knows my needs before I even know them. But, it does take a constant focusing and being deep in the Word, doesn’t it?
This is a great post Keri.
Thanks for reading, bro.
love you
Hi there! I came over from Donald’s blog. I homeschool my 3 children – one with Aspergers, one with sensory disorder and its a tough job. Some days I am a major grouch. Why do I have to deal with this today? Why is this MY job? Why can’t these kids do anything? Why did my husband leave me this mess? And also, I don’t make jam either. I barely keep my house cleaned most days. I envy the yellow school bus that could take my children to school so I could at least stay home and clean. Yeah right. I would just end up having to go to work, so it would still be a mess. I suck at cooking. I don’t really even enjoy being a SAHM. I have to work at it. I’m a grouch and if I think of all the negatives, I will certainly stay there.
One thing that has helped me is dwelling on scripture. Taking one thing that God is teaching me (and He seems to be teaching me every second of the day that I’m with my kids!) and just think about it, dwell on it, pray about it, and live it. Little by little. You can’t clean up a disaster all at once and God doesn’t work that way either with our disasters. He is a patient God. He works on us little by little. If He went any faster, it would destroy us . He is too loving to just rip us apart like that. At times he breaks us down and its hard and may even put us into depression (speaking from experience here) but He does not fail us. He does not give up. I gotta keep trusting in that and trusting in Him until its like the air I breath. I’m working on it too though. No perfect people allowed in God’s Kingdom
Michelle…thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts! What you shared about “little by little”-that’s exactly the convo I had with my hubby last night before I sat down to write this post. He works on me, little by little. That daily trust has to be an intentional choice, no?
Absolutely. At least I think so. A very hard choice indeed, but a life giving one for sure. I think our sinful nature is something we have to die to every minute of the day. I like how Paul expresses it best, “So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. ”
(Romans 7:21-25 ESV)
Paul is talking about the law here, but what he says about sin is true. Evil lies close at hand. Our flesh longs to serve the law of sin. Jesus is the only way to be freed of that. What a great thing! Ok, I’ve rambled enough. Love your post today.
Michelle, I really like that translation! I use to be a total translation snob about the Bible. And, I think the NASB (supposedly the most accurate to the original language) is best for understanding the original intent. But, I have grown to appreciate new translations are helpful for relating to Scripture. The ESV is not one I have explored very much at all, but I like how it gives new life to that passage which I seem to forget about, A LOT! Evil is close at hand. And, when we forget that, we are getting proud and setting ourselves up for a fall.
So pleased to have met you today, Michelle. And, I really appreciate your delving in here. Blessings to you!
Keri -
I’m seriously sobbing. Thank you for your genuine honesty.
Aparently we need to have coffee one of these days.
Blessings,
Jessica
Jessica, I’m so encouraged that God spoke to you through this post this morning. He knows exactly what we need to hear from Him. I love how He gives me what I need and speaks to me as an individual. But, at the same time calls me out of myself. We sooooo need to have coffee someday.
Blessings to you, friend.
Great post Keri! I am over and over confronted with my failure as a mom. However, I have come to realize that realizing my failure as a mom is good place to start. Without God I will fail at things. This is when I realize my complete and utter dependence on God. It brings me back to the gospel.
“As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins. Following the course of this world, following the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience. Among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, following the desires of our body and mind, we were by nature Children of Wrath like the rest of mankind. BUT GOD being rich in mercy by his GREAT LOVE with which he has loved, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive with Christ, by grace you have been saved.”
Ephesians 2: 1-5
I realize that apart from the gospel of Christ I cannot do anything good. I realize that when Christ saved me he gave me the power to accomplish anything. I realized that because Christ saved me I can be content in all things (Hebrews 13:5-6). The list goes on and on. This has been a great help to me in those times where life seems to be spinning out of control. Every morning I have to stop and say, “Okay God, today is a new day. I know that without you I am going to fail miserably. I need you to get me through the day. I need you to guide my steps and my decisions. I need you to give me the strength to be patient with my husband and children, I need you to help love them the way I should, I need you help to remember that I need help throughout the day. Help me to depend completely on you all day long.”
One of my other favorite things has been from CJ Majaney’s book “Living the Cross Centered Life” (a must read for every believer). Majaney talks about talking to yourself instead of listening to yourself. He talks about all the bad thoughts that come into your head during the day like, I am not a good enough mom, I can not be the mom that I am expected to be; he says that when we think these things we need to start talking to ourselves. Talking to ourselves looks very similar to your blog post. Talking to yourself is when we start to tell ourselves the truth of scripture instead of listening to the lies in their head.
Anyways, I just wanted to share with you some additional encouragement that has helped me in those “Mommy fail” times. I am that mommy that forgets things too, surrounded with friends that are very good and remembering everything.
Emilie-you have shared soooooo many good nuggets here. God has given you a special kind of wisdom, my friend. And, I’m blessed that you’ve shared it with me here.
I love how the Ephesians passage you shared is a take off on what He has been telling me in Isaiah. “He made us alive in Christ”! What a beautiful image of the full and abundant life that He has for us, and that He calls us to. As I was telling Michelle above, it’s a daily, intentional and purposeful choice that I have to make to submit to His will and His path. Too many days of forgetting that or depending on self, and I end up a grumpy gus!
Also, persevering and being content-those are things He has really been putting on my heart, too. I wanted to share that in my post, but maybe another day.
I HAVE to get my hands on that book. The idea of talking at myself instead of listening to the lies-sooooooo good.
Very moving scripture you mentioned here Keri. I have noticed that when there are times when I feel “down”, the Lord reminds me that it’s not really about me. This is not my world and everything revolves around me. No, it’s His world and everything revolved around Him.
I’ve found that when I look at things from “afar” (if you were to take me out of my body and see from way higher) it makes a lot more sense.
I’m glad God spoke to you, and comforted you. He’s so good like that.
BTW, I’ve been guilty of daddy failures as well. I missed my son’s pre-pre-Kindergarten graduation. They sent a note that got lost in his bag.
Oh, Moe, that must have been a sad day when you realized you missed the graduation.
Good thing those things matter so much more to parents than they do to kids! LOL
Sounds like God has spoken to you and me in the same way at times. Don’t you love how He can say the same thing to two people, but it’s still completely personal and relevant? I love that He is a living, breathing, and relating God. My problems are never too small for Him, but He still calls me out of them.
Thanks for your thoughts, friend.
So so good. God is accomplishing his purpose in you through these obstacles. I love the passage you’ve been reading. Also, even though it’s expensive, it’s a blessing you found out now about that leak! Keep doing your best and know you are loved and valued.
Thanks, Sharon. And, you are soooooo right about the leak! I’m sure there’s a pop parable in this whole story too.
Keri, I love this post! As selfish as this may sound…or is… after talking with you yesterday, I totally felt awful that you were feeling so down, but it was also good to know that I’m not the only one that feels like that so often. So often I struggle with knowing what my day should look like…what should my priorities be and how do I divide out my time without neglecting things that need to be done and people that need to be loved. Sometimes it feels very heavy. Today was a real struggle and of course the winter plague that continues to strike and sap my energy has not been helpful. But there was a distinct moment today where I heard the Lord say that I could either focus on all of the things that were frustrating or I could start thinking about and declaring out loud the things that I was thankful for, including the characteristics that I love about my kids. It was really hard to think of things at first, but was really helpful. All of that to say, I can completely relate to what you are talking about…This mommy job is HARD! But I’m so thankful that we don’t have to walk through this alone
So, there are only 3 people who this could possibly be, and I’m gonna guess, Jessie. It’s not selfish. That’s what friends are for. You are one of my biggest encouragers, Jess. God has used your heart to make my heart more like His. I’m sorry you had another rough day! But, I’m so glad we’re in the trenches together. We will have the bond of war to tether us together when our children are old and grown and make us crazy about new and different things. And, focusing on the things which I can be grateful for is an awesome perspective, too. Sometimes it’s just so hard for me to find anything to be grateful for. And, that’s why God wants me to look outside myself. Becoming insulated and isolated is a sure recipe for disaster! Thanks for reading!
“Trust me to make your abilities more than you can imagine.
And, when you begin to see that and act on that,
Your gloom will turn to sunshine
I will give you strength and grace to face the day.”
This was muchly needed by me today. Thank you, Keri! I can’t wait to meet you some day.
I’m so glad God spoke to you through these words, Melissa. And, I’m always surprised at how easily He makes Himself known if we only ask Him to appear. What a loving God we serve. And, holla, totally can’t wait to meet you someday!!!!
Hey Keri,
Thanks so much for writing about how much of a failure we sometimes feel as mother’s. I have been fighting this off and on a lot during Peter’s deployment and it got really bad last night with Danny. We both had a blow out and I just felt like I was a complete failure as his mother and couldn’t help him in the way he needs help. I then went into my messy room and prayed to God. It’s amazing how quickly you can hear an answer from Him. During my praying I kept hearing him tell me it was all going to be okay and that Danny would be fine.
It always blows me away how sometimes such young children can make you feel like failures. But we aren’t. We are only human trying to do our best in hard and difficult situations. And as long as we rely on God and trust him with our days, problems, and blessings, then everything will turn out just fine. It may take a while but everything happens in the Lords time not ours.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Maria…I’m so glad you were able to read this and hear from God through it all. I love verse 9 where He says,
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am ‘
He only asks that we cry out to Him and He is so quick to respond and be our Helper.
So excited that the deployment is almost over for you and the kids, and for the rest of us too! We can’t wait to see Peter! Although Lukas is now confusing him with Peter Pan and thinking that seeing Uncle Peter means we get to go on the Peter Pan ride in Disneyland. If only it meant we could do both! he he he
I’ve had a bad mom day since my oldest was still connected via the umbilical cord. I don’t think I was ever meant to be a mom, but God saw fit to make me one. And now, he’s teaching me how not only to be a mom, but a single mom and a working mother and his child, all at the same time.
There are days I still beat myself up. There are days I sit on the floor and cry. It helps to know he’s there, but sometimes I still manage to feel alone.
LOL, Kristin! Well, like you, I’ve been doubting myself as a mom since before my oldest was even born. So, I’m glad we have something in common. I’m starting to realize more and more that if there is anything worthwhile in my life, it’s something that requires the hand of God. It requires my full surrender so that I can step aside and let Him do the work. The minute I try to take over the reigns is the minute I screw it all up.
I hope that we can connect more through blogging. Although I’m not a single mom, I have had periods of extreme loneliness in my life and it is very desparaging. I would never wish that loneliness on anyone. He is always with us, but I will admit that it sometimes hard to know that. Having a strong community reminds me of His presence.
Ah, I love His word for you. So good, Keri!
When I struggle I try to remember His love for me. That always makes me RUN back to Him rather than shrink away and try to fix myself. That never works.
I am always astounded by the depth of His love. He will go to any lengths to show me the Way. And, He’s never condescending about it.
And, He is so merciful! I love how you describe His Love as causing you to run back to Him, rather than run away from Him. I love that picture, Tony. Thanks for sharing, bro.
Keri, this was wonderful. It seems that I have forgotten where my focus needs to be. I have a mother-in-law that is living with us and now she is experiencing Dementia. Along with this, we are raising two of our granddaughters (since birth) who are 17 & 15. Raising teens in this day , is so different than our first two girls. My 15 year old came in today and said that her teacher told her that she hoped that a car ran over her. How can we raise children in this day and age when the teachers have no compassion? I get so tired at age 56, that I find myself wanting to close myself off. Your post today was so uplifting. Would you mind if I post the scripture and what you felt that the Lord was saying to you?
Hi Sherree…that sounds so overwhelming! I pray that God gives you strength and rest!
And, to answer your question “how can we raise children in this day and age when the teachers have no compassion?” I have to say, not all teachers are like that. My Mom is an extremely gifted teacher who is passionate and compassionate about her craft and her students. But, there are still bad teachers out there. The advice I would give to a 15 year old? Your actions should be pleasing to God, no matter what anyone else says or does. I know that isn’t easy, but it is the only truth that will bring life. Might I suggest a reading of Psalm 142? I think it will bring hope to both of you.
Being a multigenerational caregiver can easily lead to burnout. I don’t know if this is possible at your place of worship, but maybe there are others in situation that you can connect with? Or perhaps getting in touch with a Stephen Minister? God sees your hurt, and He doesn’t want you to go it alone, Sherree.
I definitely don’t mind your sharing what I’ve written. Please just be sure to link up to my post, and give me credit for the words.
Thanks for sharing what’s been on your heart, Keri. It is comforting to keep getting reminders of God’s grace and love for us. Even when we consider ourselves “failures” God is saying “‘I knit you together in your Mother’s womb’, you are not a failure, you are mine and I will be your strength when you are weak”. Sometimes I feel like I’m failing as a Mom because I work outside of the home & don’t get to spend as much time with my daughter as I would like. But when I find quiet time with God (or read great blogs like yours) in the midst of self-pity He reminds me that I am doing His will and that for me, not doing what I do would be disobedient to what His plan is for me. He blessed me with the gifts and passion that I use in my work, and while I may feel the pressures of society and the temptation to just quit some days, your post reminds me that I need to lean on Him and get my strength from Him and to not listen to what the world is telling me, but to what He is telling me..
Melanie…isn’t it funny how the Enemy just pushes our buttons no matter what our situation? You feel like you’re failing because you don’t get enough time with your sweet girl. I feel like I’m failing because they have to be with their grouchy Momma all the time. GRRRR
But, I love what you say about how God has blessed you with gifts and passions to use in your work. And, I think your baby girl has had so many wonderful experiences with her grandparents that she may not have had if you were at home full time.
Teaching your daughter to follow God’s good and perfect will for your life, no matter what society says-that is a priceless gift that will take her far in life and in her faith.
OK…how is it that I missed this post ENTIRELY?! Seriously…WTH?
This ranks up there with one of your best posts EVER in my book. Loved your honesty & openness and I can TOTALLY relate.
As a mommy that now works from home about 20-30 hours a week, I sometimes struggle with wanting to make sure everything is “perfect” both both my work and my family. I’m coming to realize perfection is impossible, so I can only do my best and leave the rest to God!
BTW can I just say the fact you get so many great, meaty comments is a sign you are succeeding with this blog, my friend? It’s an indicator your posts are resonating with others. Bravo for achieving this so quickly!
Keep at it!!
Aw, shucks, Ang.
I have to say, this post was quickly and easily written, which does not often happen for me. Blogging is hard work for me. I know that when a post resonates with others it is only by the grace of God. I truly, honestly believe that He speaks through this medium when I lay it at His feet.
Aren’t the comments amazing? I love how God is so consistent with all of us, but He speaks to as us individuals. That has been one of the greatest things I’ve learned through blogging.
And, I’m glad I’m in this journey with other moms like you. We can lift eachother up when times are hard. Or, we can just go to a restaurant and sit there for 4+hours. That works, too.
In case this makes you feel ANY better, your post made me think “oh crap, when was the last time I brought snacks for Keefe’s class?” I asked today and sure enough, it was supposed to have been our turn last Friday. We lucked out because Keefe was actually home from school, sick. But had we shown up, we would’ve shown up snack-less.
So I too would’ve gotten a “you forgot snacks today” note in Keefe’s cubby.
BTW I noticed IHOP is 24-hours. Maybe next time we go there and not annoy the waitstaff at Marie Callendars! LOL!!
Love ya girl!
Yes, that does make me feel better!!!
The frustrating thing was, when I dropped him off, I had a thought that I was supposed to have brought snacks. So, I checked the list and saw it was another kid’s name. But, when we came back I realized I was looking at the T/Th list and not the W/Fr! BAHHHH
And, do I get any points for the fact that the last time I had to bring snacks, Lukas was sick and I sent them with Jess? Surely that counts for something!
Your IHOP idea? Genius! Why did I never think of that?!
It’s crazy that your posts speak to my heart. I have been having my own little mommy failure pity party over here myself lately, and like you, it makes me downright ugly. Have you heard the song, ‘This Is The Stuff,’ by Francesca Battistelli? This part so speaks to me now, “in the middle of my little mess. I forget how big I am blessed.” Thanks again for a great post. You are glorifying Him through this blog. Keep up what you are doing.
xoxo
I’m just glad that God has been able to use this blog to speak to your heart. That is what it’s all about for me, and the only reason I do it-so maybe, just maybe, something will hear from God in a way they otherwise might not have.
Yes, I have heard that song. I like that line…but, I honestly don’t agree with all the lyrics of that song. I feel like she’s saying that God brings frustrations into our lives, and I don’t agree with that. We bring it upon ourselves. But, what’s amazing is that He can make something beautiful out of our circumstances and our mistakes. I think that’s the point she’s trying to make, but if I were the songwriter, I’d change the words up a little bit. Call me nitpicky, but I get hung up on lyrics with bad theology. This is another post that I wrote about a similar idea: http://popparables.com/2010/11/in-my-words-better-than-a-hallelujah/