Last week, I shared about the relationship landmines that are intrinsic to Facebook usage. It may have appeared I’m completely innocent and ever the victim of the landmines, never planting them myself.
Confession: I’m guilty, too. In fact, I’ve been called to testify for the defense in the War Crimes Tribunal for FB landmines.
According to Wikipedia, landmines were originally designed for two main uses:
- To create defensive tactical barriers, channeling attacking forces into predetermined fire zones or slowing an invasion force’s progress to allow reinforcements to arrive; and
- To act as passive area-denial weapons (in order to deny the enemy use of valuable terrain, resources or facilities when active defense of the area is not desirable or possible).
I have used FB to exert control over my relationships.
By creating defensive tactical barriers, I’ve channeled all of my relationships into a predetermined zone where I don’t have to express any vulnerabilities, inconsistencies or realities of my life.
I can keep the messy parts in the messy parts.
And, the fun, exciting, even impressive parts, I can share online.
But, by keeping my FB friends in the predetermined zone, I have avoided and even detached from cultivating emotional intimacy with others.
It hasn’t even required that much effort. It’s a passive area-denial weapon.
I don’t have to defend my insecurities because they’re not even on display.
I don’t have to explain to anyone why I’m upset about something, because they don’t even know that I am upset.
Trouble is, that’s not a real relationship.
It’s a false sense of intimacy based on snapshots of my life. And, when a relationship is nurtured solely through snapshots, my friends are missing the big picture.
I desire true intimacy with others.
I want my friends to know I don’t have it all together.
I want to be known and to be loved for who I am, in the midst of my messiness.
It’s too much work to keep up that façade in real life.
I want to break down the defensive tactical barriers and diffuse the boundaries of the predetermined zone.
I want to live like Paul admonishes us to live in Ephesians 4:25,
25 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another.
I can start by continually asking myself,
What if I logged out of Facebook and logged into my real life?
What boundaries have you created through electronic communication?
Is it really necessary that everyone in my life know the dark and twisty parts of me?
***Just to be clear, I did NOT breakup with my Pop Parables Facebook page, just my personal FB page. You can still find me on FB by going here.