What do you mean by “breaking up”?
Is this “high school relationship breakup” or Ross and Rachel on a break {breakup}?
In the high school breakup, neither partner is ready to end it. You both say you just need some space. Some time apart. You’ll learn some things, work on your individual issues. And, then when you get back together the relationship will be stronger than it ever was before. But, a few days go by. He doesn’t return her calls. She meets someone else. They never get back together. Ten years later, they’re Facebook stalking eachother.
In the Ross and Rachel breakup, they perpetually find themselves in a DTR {define the relationship} convo. But, this time, Ross thinks it’s all over. He finds someone else to mend his broken heart. Rachel’s heart still belongs to Ross. They get back together. They break up. They get back together. They break up. They get married in Vegas. They break up. You remember the rest, right?
I’m not sure which breakup this is, it’s all still TBD.
I need some time. I need some space. I need to clear my head. I just need to find myself again. It’s not about Facebook, it’s really about me.
We Need to Talk
I thought you’d like to hear them, because surely we have these things in common.
We can laugh together, cry together, burn our relationship mementos together, ya know, just like with a real life breakup, only less messy.
Over the next three Wednesdays {or more}, I’ll explain my side of the breakup. And, I highly anticipate hearing your experiences, advice, and thoughts on the subject.
Reason #1 Why I broke up with Facebook
To put it simply, I got my feelings hurt. One too many times.
I’m a girl.
And, even though I don’t like to admit it, I do have certain feelings that are extra sensitive. And, those tend to fall in the areas of relationships {with other women}.
KABOOM!
I step on an exchange between two friends {or even worse, four friends!} and all of a sudden I’m facing a bunch of messy feelings I didn’t even know I had.
What?
Betty’s never once invited me over for a playdate. Come to think of it, neither has Wilma.
Why don’t they ever invite me to their playdates?
Wow. Are we even friends?
Or do they just pretend to like me and then talk about me at their exclusive playdates?
That’s it! I’ve had it with Betty.
Sure, I love chatting with her.
And, we seem to have a lot in common.
But, she’s so busy spending all her time with Wilma, she doesn’t have any time for me. I’ll just let them have their little bromance {or whatever that’s called with girls}.
I’m totally removing Betty from my newsfeed.
{Dramatized for reenactment, but pretty much true}
I log out of Facebook, but now I’m totally bummed, angry even. And, I’ve got shrapnel all over me.
I try to convince myself that none of this is true. But, I can’t help but allow those Facebook exchanges to taint my relationships.
Next time I see Wilma in person, I’m not as friendly. I smile half-heartedly. I guard my words, not wanting to bare my soul since we’re not really friends.
I know, I know. Super junior high of me right?
{I’m really hoping that you’re all sitting there nodding your head in agreement and not rolling your eyes at me!}
The Kevlar of Friendship
What if I choose to be humble in spirit, leading me to inherit the blessing of friendship?
What land mines have you stepped on with Facebook?
What Kevlar have you found useful?
I’m still not sure if this is high school relationship break up or Ross and Rachel breakup. You tell me, which one is it?
*Just to be clear, I did NOT break up with my Pop Parables FB page, just my personal FB page.
To read the rest of the juicy details, be sure to read:
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Ah yes, I’ve seen this quite a bit. Interestingly enough, it happens (in my experience) more often with girls than with guys.
If you think of the motivation though, the very reason they posted it on FB is so the whole world could see that they hung out. Jon Acuff wrote a great post about that very thing here: http://www.jonacuff.com/blog/3-letters-that-will-radically-improve-every-blog-and-tweet-you-ever-write/
WHY would you write that? What is the purpose when if you really just wanted to thank the person for a great time, you could just call or text them.
This is where the whole social media deal can backfire and be detrimental to relationships.
I’ve never really had a problem with it myself and I have pretty thick skin so I’m not too concerned with it. But yeah, I definitely say take a sabbatical if you find it bothering you. Connect in real life for awhile to remember why those people are your friends in the first place!
Ooooh, that is a good post. One question I’ve tried to ask myself every time I post {or Tweet} is…”If I was speaking to a a room full of all the people I know and love, is this what I would say?”
As I was writing this, I was certain this was a decidedly female problem.
Part of my “breakup” is certainly spending time with people in real life. All those minutes I can shave off my day that I would have spend on FB can be spent sharing a cup of coffee with a friend, reading to my boys, or {gasp} doing housework!
Doing housework??? You don’t have to get radical, now!
Okay, how about dog whispering?
Consider This, though: too often people share personal stuff out in the open because they don’t know how to use Facebook.
I’ve seen many, many people respond to each other by posting on their walls. That’s fine, but it’s a wall, not a telephone conversation. You’ve just posted a playbill for anyone who can get near the wall to see. Many, many times that’s not what the people intended; they wanted to share it one-on-one, and just found Facebook to be easier than calling or texting (especially if you don’t have unlimited texting), but they think posting on the wall is the way to do it.
I can see that as a reason if you’re a new user. But, for people who have been on FB for any length of time-they really should know better!
I’m sorry to say that length of time on the system doesn’t always
translate to increased skill in usage. Some people are just “set in
their ways,” I guess. I’m an engineer, though; I want to play with the
“new toys.”
You’re going Ross and Rachel.
“I’ll just let them have their little bromance {or whatever that’s called with girls}. ”
I know this is wrong to say but my sarcastic response was “every guy’s fantasy?”
I’ve had those feelings with Facebook in the past but I’ll be honest here…I was an outcast and ignored in high school so I don’t expect anything different on Facebook. All FB truly is deep down is a way for people to keep doing the same things they did in high school.
Anytime people keep doing the same things they did in high school as they do in their adult life is cause for concern. EEK! If that means me, then I will say that I was friends with everyone. I always tried to include people who weren’t normally included. Maybe that’s part of my struggle here. I get hurt by being {allegedly} excluded because I always try so hard to include everyone.
So, Jason…are you saying there is no girl equivalent for “bromance” that isn’t sexual? I’m still searching for a like-minded term to bromance.
I’m sure somewhere there’s a term for it. It was just easier to be sarcastic at that moment.
Thankfully I’ve come across many of my old elementary-through-high-school classmates, and they’ve actually treated me better than they did in school. (I, too, was the outcast in school, mainly because I wasn’t interested in sports, farming, or working on the water, but was interested in electronics & computers. It’s so cool to hear them say, “you were right all the time, Joe.”
)
It is nice to discover that people can and do change!
Good stuff, Keri! That must have been a difficult decision! It’s hard to go against the current, and it’s not just a one-time decision. I know that I {sadly} daily have to remind myself of why I sold my iPhone.
I know that I have the tendency to sit at home and feel left out from stuff I see on FB. I loved how you said that you need to invite them over. I had that same realization on my situation. I know I’m going to have to be proactive about planning get-togethers with people in WA, because I’m not in their normal routine. Thanks for sharing your heart, and struggles, here, friend!
Wanna plan a play-date for our kids?
Going against the current-to be covered in a later post.
Oh yeah, my calendar for July MUST include some kind of Melissa meetup!!! Of course, anyone who’s reading this is welcome. LOL
Me too!
Hey,
So is Pop Parables going to still be on fb? If not, I’ll have to follow you some other way.
I have tried to break up with fb many times, but I just keep going back. It’s terrible.
And, yes, I totally relate to the above.
Last week one of my best friends was apologizing to me about how she was too busy to talk/return my calls, blah, blah….well, it’s kind of hard to believe when I see a new post from her on fb every time I log on.
Boo!
Maegen…YES. Pop Parables is certainly still going to be on FB. This post is speaking specifically about my personal FB page.
I have felt completely guilty saying something to my husband like “I didn’t have time to get to that today,” knowing full well that I would have had time if I had not been on FB!
It happens – in real life too – we’re just more aware of it when we’re on a computer screen. I was always on the outside looking in – growing up and in school. If there had been a facebook back in the 70′s I’m sure I would have felt like that online too. I’m a girl and get my feelings hurt too so I’m right there with you. I have found that in my situation the “block” feature is such a liberating tool. Maybe some would say that is wrong – but for me I need to feel safe online – even in a social network. And there are those that I don’t feel that safety from – and have felt judged or that they are spying on me. This is typical when you have been in ministry as long as my husband and I – people think they have the right to do that. Clearly – they don’t. That’s helped me filter out some of the junk. You can also “hide” things from those who still want to keep but don’t want to see their conversations – or want them to see yours – thus “block”. This has worked for me – and I could go on and on with why facebook has been such a positive thing – I’m willing to tweak mine so that I can still function with all the positive and good. I also try to be an encourager and be pro-active because I know I easily get my feelings hurt. Because I know that – I am able to compensate and now if I get hurt – it is because I have allowed them to hurt me – or I have “seen something” I don’t want to – so “hide” and “block”. Don’t judge – it works for me! I’d be proud to have you as a facebook friend Keri – we can start our own private group!!!
Cindy…you’re right, it most certainly happens in real life. But, when it’s on FB it does seem like a personal attack at times. I have certainly made use of the “hide” and “block” features. But, it’s not something I want to do with my REAL life friends. I want to be able to engage them on FB, AND in real life. I guess if I’m having issues with them on FB, it’s something to address in real life.
Facebook is just another example of a situation/condition that I’ve seen for as long as there has been any sort of networked set of users … and I’ve seen it ALL!
There’s a perception of safety or insulation with that computer screen that isn’t there in real life.
Most people will say stuff online that they would never say face-to-face. They feel a sense of security in that someone hurt by accident (or on purpose) won’t jump through the screen and punch them. The computer screen can also be turned off or redirected somewhere else when things get “uncomfortable” or “confrontational.”
What I’m seeing here, though, is actually a healthy opposite to what I’ve seen before. You & Keri aren’t seeing the insulation. You two are treating the written word as though it were the spoken word. I say that’s “healthy” because it means, in my opinion, that you’re taking Facebook for what it is: an alternative method of social interaction. The problem comes when you find somebody else who feels emboldened by that barrier of the computer screen and fails to make the social connection.
You hit the nail on the head, Joe! As some have said in the comments here, they treat FB interactions differently than real life interactions. I just don’t think it should be that way. In fact, I think if anything, online interactions should be approached with greater care because there is not much room for grace-you don’t see body language, hear tone, or see the words in the context of the bigger picture. Great thoughts, Joe. I’m just gonna simmer on this for a little bit.
You make some great comments about extra grace, Keri. That also means you need to understand that your friends hanging together doesn’t mean they don’t want to hang with you.
That’s one of the reasons I use smileys & other emoticons liberally. It’s not the same as natural non-verbal communication, but it can comes close. Then again, I know some people whose vocal inflections & body language allegedly do not show what they’re thinking … or that’s what my wife says when I think she’s irritated at me.
Sent from my Palm Pre on AT&T
I have seen this quite a few times on fb. This is why I tend not to post what I am doing and with whom. I’ve learned from past experiences that even knowing people can create a false image of what’s going on. In my own experience I have found that living in the same town as one’s friends can create a false image. Friends start to think that the reason we are not hanging out with them is because we are hanging out with the other people. Even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. Then you post a picture on fb when you do happen to hang out with that person, and it creates a whole other level of drama.
I have also been deleted from someone’s fb because they took a comment a posted on their post out of context. I was a litte upset that they took what I said the wrong way, but didn’t really care that they deleted me. They weren’t someone I knew very well. I do believe that social networking can be detrimental, especially when others can’t get a feel of how you are expressing yourself.
I personally enjoy fb because I’m able to connect with people I haven’t spoken to in years. Whether or not we speak on a regular basis, we still can see each other’s families. I know that some may say, ”If you don’t speak then why keep in contact?” I think it’s human nature that people are nosey and want to see what one’s done with their lives. I know I am guilty of this myself. Fb also helps me keep my family up to date without having to email them pictures, and then having to have them download them. I understand that what may work for me may not work for others.
On a personal note, I hope that I have never done anything to offend you. I hope that you didn’t take me commenting on my workouts in any way a jab at you not doing it. If anything I thought we could encourage each other and keep each other motivated.
OMG, Martina, you totally crack me up! I have never ever ever ever been offended by you on Facebook. You are honestly one of my favorite people I connect with on FB. I think you do a great job of balancing the things you share without being all about yourself. I feel like our relationship is so much closer than it was in Holland, and it makes me wish we had spent more time together. It makes me so happy when I get a message from you. You are a kind hearted person, who really genuinely does think of others. I love the things you’ve shared about working out. Yeah, I still haven’t done it, but I most certainly think of it as encouragement. You’ll be one of the first peole to know when I actually get my butt in gear! You know I love you, girl!
It is so easy to take things out of context, words and pictures. And, I completely agree about the people who live nearby-that’s probably where it creates the most drama. And, really, if you live near someone, it’s probably better to communicate in person or over the phone.
And, really, even the times I have gotten my feelings hurt on FB, I don’t think it’s ever been intentionally or maliciously done to harm me. I think it’s just been people posting what they post, and not thinking about how it affects others. And, I admit, I’ve been the one doing the hurting sometimes, too.
Honestly, I’ve never really had any “drama” with Facebook. Maybe it’s more of a girl thing? Yes, sometimes, I get annoyed by what some people post, but for the most part it’s been okay. But, I can totally see what you mean. Even on Twitter–sometimes I get annoyed but that for whole bunch of different reasons.
I think it’s a Ross and Rachel break up…but you never know?
So, Jonathan, this subject of being “annoyed” by others has been on my mind for a time. I’m wondering at what point annoyance turns into resentment, bitterness, or just plain sin. I know that’s not what were you talking about here, but the word “annoyed” has been up there on my radar lately.
Believe it or not, I have felt a twinge of these feelings on Twitter as well. Fortunately, most of my Twitter friends are boys {like you} so I just chalk it up to that.
Pretty sure it’s a Ross and Rachel breakup. But, I’m not planning a trip to Vegas or anything.
This was eye-opening for
me. It lead me to evaluate how and why I use facebook. A Case For Facebook: I generally
assume that people, like I, use facebook out of convenience. Many
people I meet do not exchange phone numbers. After the women’s retreat, I had made many new “friends” and never exchanged numbers, but have been making an effort to establish face-to-face relationships with more women based on that common experience. Also, facebook is free while
texting costs money. It’s so much easier to drop a note on a wall than to private
message (at least on my phone) and with an almost 2-year-old and a
7-month-old, every minute and convenience counts. However, I would hate
to be rude for the sake of convenience. I need to think more about how my comments affect
others.
A Case For Wisdom: I think you’re right on when you say that it’s probably not a matter of
The healthy self-talk
people being malicious, but more of people being thoughtless. I totally identify with your feelings. In fact, when we first became facebook friends, I found myself jealous of the delicious treats (and friendship) you were excited to bring to your mini-church. I had to talk myself down from those feelings, reminding myself that I would probably be welcome to join your mini-church if I wanted, and that the broadcasting was more an invitation than anything else!
helps. It’s hard to avoid the cynical thought that everyone has
malicious intent. The Lord has been teaching me how to be proactive and
not fall into that comparison mentality. I see someone make a comment
like that and I post, “Ooh! Jealous! Sounds like fun, ladies!” My
hope is not that they’ll feel obligated to invite me, but that they’ll
realize that a public comment instills those feelings. Your blog
reminded me that I need to pay attention to when I’m doing it, too!
Just know that it’s NOT intentional (at least not for me, and I would
guess I’m not the only one) and that we all have areas where the Lord is
making us more sensitive to how we need to grow in being loving.
…and I’m totally just as insecure as you!AND…(I cringe as I write this on such a public wordspace) Wanna get together? ;-D
Seriously, I’m having a hard time finding a way to privately message you…I can’t even figure out how to do it on facebook…Do you have an e-mail address associated with your blog? Or Facebook page? …Sorry. Dense with technology.
LOL! Welll, I’m pretty low bro when it comes to technology as well. Don’t think that just because I have a blog I know what I’m doing! Oh, wait, just got a message from you. You figured it out!
BTW, I DON’T have an email for my blog. Bad, Keri, bad, bad!
I think I know what Haley this is….:-) And I totally agree with the message vs. Wall/comment. Its sooooo hard to messages from my phone. To me, facebook is a way to openly communicate with whoever, whenever. Its a fun way for my hubby and I to talk, and a convenient way to drop a note to a friend. I think if we all start worrying about facebook etiquette that would start feeling a bit like walking on egg shells. Instead, just assume the best and do what you can to have a happy heart towards friends, and tell them you’d like a playdate too! I’m a firm believer in open honest communication in all relationships. If they respond poorly to your honesty, maybe they don’t deserve to be your friend in the first place? Just my thoughts and how I deal with that sort of thing. Exclusiveness broadcast for other common friends to see when its obviously strictly exclusive can be hurtful, but then again my heart is that people need specific people on a deep level, and if I’m not one of those people its okay. “Because when things get deep, people drown”
I know exactly what status update you’re talking about. And, it was certainly never meant to exclude anyone. And, I remember after I wrote it, I felt like the subsequent comments (mine included) got a little carried away, and I wanted to delete the whole thing.
Honestly, part of my breakup wasn’t just me getting my feelings hurt, but me inadvertantly hurting the feelings of others and not recognizing it until it was too late (more on this next week!!). I’ve done some damage on FB, too. I’m certainly not exempt. I’ve been on FB almost since the very beginning-when it was first available to non-Ivy leaguers (maybe that was like ’04 or ’05?), so I’ve had a ton of these experiences. 
Almost every time I meet a new person, I ask them if they have a small group and would they pretty please join ours because it’s supremely awesome and I’ve had so many amazing experiences as a part of the group. So, yes, you and your hubs are most certainly invited!
So much wisdom in your comments, Haley. We certainly need to give eachother grace, and there should even be room to say, “What you said on FB made me sad. Can we talk about it?”
I can totally see what you’re saying, and I’ve run into the same thought pattern before. For me, I just had to remind myself that there are plenty of times I may get together with friends when Wilma and Betty aren’t there. That’s not a reflection on their value. A lot of times it’s me intentionally trying to strike up a relationship with a couple that may need some encouragement. There’s always a lot going on behind the scenes.
I sometimes will just take the time to pray a blessing for them and their friends, hoping that they can grow their relationship even more. And this helps me find contentment in whatever situation I’m currently in.
Yay for another guy (including Jonathan) who admits to having these feelings!
You’re right, it’s completely normal for friends to hang out without inviting ALL of their friends. This probably happens much more often when it’s a relationship that I’m insecure about, such as a friend who I haven’t seen in awhile or who I’m just beginning to hang out with. I love the idea of praying a blessing over freinds-so much of what I Peter 3 is talking about.
Thanks for sharing, Loren!
p.s. Have you ever written anything about time and social media? That’s one of the “reasons I broke up with FB” I’ll be discussing 2 weeks from now.
Haven’t written anything yet, but that’s DEFINITELY going to be an upcoming post in the future. I actually get asked a ton about that and have been mulling over thoughts and practical applications for a while. Stay tuned!
Oooh, that should be a good one! Look forward to reading it.
I got no beef with Facebook. I barely use it. I have some apps that automatically sends stuff to Facebook, but I don’t spend much time in it. So, you are on your own there.
I think you are in a Rachel and Ross type of breakup. You love FB and FB loves you. Just get a room already!
I like your instagrams on FB!
And, I actually think you could do more with your Beta Christian page. But, that’s just my unsolicited advice that you can certainly reject. hehehe
Ross and Rachel didn’t just get a room, they got married, and even had a baby! What kind of baby would I make with FB???
Facebook is for the birds!!! LOL.
I agree that I should get more involved in Facebook. It just not that interesting any longer. With that said, I should pay more attention to the BC page. You have me thinking now. Would love new ideas. Feel free to email me any you have. I appreciate your input.
I’m actually working on guest post for someone about FB fan pages and what you can do with them. I’ll keep you posted. And, I’ll try to think of some specific things for BC. You already do a much better job than most updating new posts with a teaser AND an image. That’s awesome. And, your FB page is super snazzy thanks to Jason! Jealous!!
Oh my – my very own sister “defriended” me on facebook. I couldn’t believe it!!! Just because of something small that I said, and it wasn’t even about her! Crazy I tell you!!! I felt like I was back in Junior high, where she was so mean to me and my friends – it brought up awful feelings. Oh and then my only sister in law would read my posts and then call my husband up (who is not on facebook) and ask him about what I was talking about in my post. I thought “really, you couldn’t just call me up?” Yes, facebook puts you on the defense, it’s like writing a heartfelt letter to someone and they misinterpets what you were saying, and ends up being mad. Or like e-mail, everything needs to be face-to-face so that you can see what the person is saying through their facial expressions. I’ll miss you on facebook though, I like to hear how you and the boys are doing – you know from one mother of boys to another!
Oh.my.goodness. Ronalee! I hope you guys became FB friends again, or at least worked it out in person! YIKES! I’ve certainly had some things I’ve said on FB been taken out of context. I think with all relationships the most important thing is the see the person’s heart, their motivation. But, sometimes that’s really confusing. So, it’s best to just ask them, YOURSELF! Not, their husband. When that has happened to me, it has caused a lot of hurt. It made me feel like they just wanted to talk about me to Mike, make me look bad, and I wasn’t even there to speak up for myself.
I really hope I can get back on FB in the not too distant future. Although, now I’m worried that everyone will think ill of me when I get on or block me from seeing their statuses so they don’t tread on my feelings.
This is were my fb fanpage for my blog has come in handy. I pretty much don’t read the newsfeed for my personal page anymore – but staying active on my blog page still keeps me connected to facebook. Win Win.
Jackpot! That is EXACTLY what I have done, Jessica, and I think it has helped immensely. I do wish that a lot more bloggers were on FB, because I just don’t have time for Twitter. It moves so quickly, and I’m only able to check in for a few mins a few times a day, which doesn’t really allow me to get invovled in the convos there.
I think I’m going to have to agree with most of the guys here, along with Cindy. These things are still the same things you see outside of fb, its just that on fb it gets magnified? I don’t know, no issues here, other than being annoyed from some updates. So glad they implemented the “hide all updates” option.
This def sounds like a ross/rachel breakup. Maybe.
Yeah, when it shows up on my newsfeed, it’s almost like Wilma and Betty conferenced called me to tell me about how amazing their friendship is. It does seem very personal. And, some people just share weird stuff on FB!
I’m thinking it’s headed in the Ross/Rachel breakup direction, too. I just hope I don’t have to do this every few months. That’s too much drama!
I love this blog!!! And I can so relate… Every now and again I will notice my # of friends (I don’t even have 100) has dropped one or two and I will go through my list just racking my brain trying to find out who it was who un-friended me…. and I DO NOT stop until I figure out who it was. And then my wheels start turning in my head…. Did I say something offensive? Do I brag about my kids too much??? Am I annoying? Why did the un-friend me and not her???? I end up feeling very childish— especially when it is somebody who I barely know, lol…
Also… I take it personally when people post cryptic messages. Like when a co-worker posts “frustrating day” or “some people think they know everything” or “hate my job”…. I can’t help but think do I have something to do with that???
Actually, I could go on…. but I wanted to tell you I am totally nodding my head in agreement… I love the Kevlar of Friendship… kind of eye opening for me!
Helen, I’m so glad you shared your thoughts. After I published this post, I was really starting to regret putting myself out there and laying my vulnerabilities out there for all the blogosphere to read. But, knowing that others feel the same way makes me feel better about sharing all of this.
I have totally tried to read into someone’s cryptic messages! Those are so weird! I guess what all of this says about me is that I’m actually a lot more insecure about my relationships than I care to let on.
This is great Keri!
I’ve seen some great relationships go on life support because of this. Sad.
U on the rebound?lol
Arny! Ha! I’m totally on the rebound. But, I’m trying to stay single. It would be easy to get super engaged in Twitter right now-the “other” man. LOL
I have certainly not lost any relationships because of FB, but I know I have damaged some. Very sad indeed. I’ll be posting about that next week. Thanks so much for stopping by, Arny!
Oh what a great post, as always, Keri! Your humor, btw, is well played.
I think I’ve learned the thing about FB…to not make it personal. Which is easier said than done!! So…shall I not expect anymore fun discussions from you on FB about aliens attacking LA?
Thank you, Ang!
Hey, can you clarify what you mean about “to not make it personal”. Are you saying to not take things personally or that FB isn’t a forum for very personal interactions? Either way, it is really hard when you’re dealing with people who are supposedly your “friends”.
Okay, I certainly have all intentions of returning to FB specifically for the reason of explaining to you and Terry why aliens attack L.A.. Really, I need to have a healthier relationship with FB, and really other things in my life. I think this whole thing is just indicative of some other crap I’ve got and it’s just showing up via FB. Is that weird, or what? God will certainly use anything to show us our faults. Hmmm, that may have just turned into another post. Wowsa.
Definitely nodding in agreement…glad to know I’m not the only one who gets these feelings from time to time. Thank you so much for sharing!
Yaaaaaaaaaay! You commented, Nichole.
You must be on summer break. Well, honestly, I’m glad I’m not alone in these feelings. Thanks for commenting. 
Ross and Rachel breakup. LOL.
Too be honest, I don’t really spend much time on FB…. so I don’t get my feelings hurt.
Are you saying I should just not spend so much time on FB?
Well, I think you’re right. I’ll touch on that one in 2 weeks.
You know, first, I have to say, I found your blog when Angela from The Coupon Project was a guest post a few weeks ago & I bookmarked it. I couldn’t sleep tonight & was led to click on your bookmark (on my phone). I have been struggling with this very issue for so long now! Like you, I got my FB page back in ’05 when it was only available to my university. I’ve loved {most} every minute of it…until about 6 months ago. Ever since then, I’ve had a constant nagging to deactivated my account. It took me awhile, but I realized I was spending FAR too much time on it reading about everyone else’s life instead of living my own. I rarely got together with my friends in real-life and I realized that God was calling me to take a good, long, hard look at myself and who I had become. I recently re-activated my account, but refuse to use it on my phone & have yet to write an “update” or upload any new photos. Basically you could call my breakup a high school kind of breakup. We’re back together, but cautiously as to not get hurt as bad as I did the first time around…? Anyway, thank you for this post. I believe it was exactly what I needed to read this evening. Very much looking forward to the next posts in the series!
Ashley….welcome to Pop Parables! I’m actually really surprised to know that others have experienced FB in the exact same way that I have. There’s lots of good things about it, too. And, hopefully I’ll be able to post about that side of it as well.
I’m so happy that God was able to speak to you through this post. You have no idea how much your comment totally changed my outlook last night-He used YOU to speak to ME. Thanks for reading! Y’all come back now, ya here?
i think you’ve taken your FB relationship just a tad too seriously… (but hoping that you will realize my comments and just for fun!)
all issues begin with the news feed (it’s mostly just a bunch of gossip)… i mean, let’s be real here… Wilma and Betty are married to Flintstone and Rubble… plus they live in the stone age… i think it’s a “shecrush” with girls?… i am holding on to the eye roll (since you’ve mentioned it
)… and agree that inviting W & B to the playdate would be taking the higher road to achieving unity amongst 600,000,000 gregarious peeps.
Thanks for reading, Chris! Oh, shecrush-that’s a good one!
I have pondered doing this very thing several times now. The main reason I keep coming back is that facebook is the only way my brother communicates and keeping lines of communication open with him is of major importance to me.
As a pastor’s wife it comes with even more issues… do you friend people in your congregation? and what happens when they get bitter or offended at something your husband preached? I do I really want to know about the low down dirty sin they WILLINGLY CHOOSE to roll around in during the week? It is one thing to unintentionally find yourself tripping in and falling in sin but a completely different thing to choose to dive headlong into it over and over, essentially mocking the grace He has extended.
Funny, I’ve only be “defriended” by people who claim to be my sisters in Christ.
Sharon…thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. It is increasingly difficult to break away from FB when in some cases it’s the only way you can communicate with others. I have many people in my life for whom I don’t even have phone numbers or email addresses. I only communicate with them via FB.
I’ve had some interesting friend requests, as well. I think it is particularly difficult when you are in any position of leadership to ignore or deny a friend request. I guess in those instances you can make use of the hide or block feature as Cindy has mentioned above. Her circumstances sound really similar to yours.
Keri, I recently dumped facebook too. It was more of a family decision. My two daughter have facebook and I couldn’t just turn my head to the things they were seeing from family members, none the less. Swearing, sex talk, joking about inappropriate things, talking about their escapades, etc. Even their 9 year old cousin was talking about sex. I couldn’t take it anymore. So to set an example, I dumped fb. I actually don’t miss it either. I can totally relate to what you are saying. I have a friend in real life and on facebook and I see her jumping over hoops to hang out with people but then when I ask her to go out, she’s too busy. Like you, I get hurt feelings. I’ve been in the midst of too many painful arguments via facebook and I liked it much better when people talked to me in person. So now I’ve kind of forced them too. If they really want to be friends with me, it won’t be on facebook. And my kids won’t have to put up with unneccessary garbage being pumped into their brains. I gotta do what I gotta do. and I commend you for breaking away. Most people would never even think of it. they are way too connected to Twitter, blogging, facebook, etc and giving it up would be like cutting off their arm. So good for you
Michelle…my kids are way too young for FB, but I had not even considered the idea of unfiltered content appearing on a site for which you have no control (other than hiding or blocking someone).
I will admit that since my breakup, I have felt somewhat disconnected with many of my friends. But, I’m working on spending more time with them in person. Hopefully that will build a stronger and deeper connection than can be created online.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Like Tony, I’m pretty thick-skinned and don’t get bothered by much. I also stayed off FB until 2009 and made a conscious decision early on that I’d use it as a public persona rather than a personal space that requires any kind of privacy. That took all the pressure off. It’s just an extension of me but nothing that can really get messy. Even if I had human feelings
I understand what you’re saying about using it as a public persona rather than a personal space. Have you considered creating a fan page to really make the distinction? Or perhaps a page for your blog? I think it can get fuzzy when people have intentions for their FB page or online interactions, but don’t share that openly. Honestly, I think that is what some of my FB friends have done, perhaps even unknowingly, and that appears really disingenuous.
Wow-didn’t join until 2009! You’re a young’n!
Thanks so much for sharing, Clay!