With Fall on the horizon, I’ve been worried {freaked out!} about all of the activities that my boys will be taking part in. I’m excited that they’ll be busy, because that gives me much less time for Mommy Fail. But, I’m banging my head against the fridge calendar muttering , How do we balance giving our children opportunities while maintaining our sanity, family time, time for God, etc, etc, etc, etc? And, I’ve recognized that this dilemma is unique to our culture as Americans. So, I did what any mom would do. I invited my blogging bud Loren, who writes about being a good steward of our time, to offer some awesome suggestions to calm my freak out.
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For a lot of parents, back-to-school season means back to being stressed.
There’s homework, soccer practice, piano lessons, church activities, birthday parties for friends – and that’s just Monday.
We want to be good parents. We want to give our children opportunities. But we also want to take care of our health, get adequate rest, have personal devotionals, maintain a loving marriage, and battle that growing mountain of dirty dishes.
How do we balance it all? How can we be good, God-honoring parents, while still being obedient in other areas of our life? How do we make practical and spiritual sense of all of this?
Here are five tips to help orient our schedules and our hearts so we can steward our time well.
1. Cut the Fat
Before you slash away at your schedule, it’s wise to first strive for efficiency. Is there any area, such as TV or aimlessly surfing the internet, that you could reduce or even eliminate?
Be on the lookout for creative ways to do things better. For instance, make detailed grocery and shopping lists and do all your errands at once. Do a week’s worth of cooking in one session and freeze the meals.
Focus. Whatever you’re doing, be 100% there mentally and don’t give in to distractions. You’ll be surprised by how quickly things get done.
Keep break-time in control. It’s easy to convince yourself that you’re flustered and need a few minutes just to chill and relax. That’s fine, but sometimes this is really just procrastination. The best way to deal with this is what I call The Prayer Test,
2. Consider Your Contexts
Throughout your day, you’ll be in different environments that will restrict your activities. Make a to-do list specifically for these times to maximize what you can accomplish.
For example, my wife breastfeeds our baby. A few times a day, she’s got a block of 20 or 30 minutes (which really adds up) where she can’t really do too much. It’s hard to clean up around the house or do yard work with a baby in your arms. But she can enter receipts into Quicken, call family, or read her Bible.
You could have one list of things you can do in short time periods when the kids are around and another list for tasks that you’ll tackle once the kids are in bed. What can you knock out while you’re driving or waiting to pick up your kids?
3. Budget and Schedule
When money is tight, that’s when you count all your pennies and follow a budget. Likewise, when time is limited, sit down and plot out your day to the best of your ability. You’ll be able to think in advance about how to use your precious 24 hours.
Now there’s very little chance that life will cooperate enough for you to follow your schedule, but at least you have a template to work off of. You’ve already thought through why you budgeted your time the way you did, so you’re better able to make decisions on the fly when plans go out the window.
Schedule in the important things if that’s the only way you’ll get to them. If you’re hoping to fit something like personal devotionals in between the cracks of everything else, you may find that the opportunity never presents itself. Be intentional about creating those opportunities, not hoping to find them.
4. Examine Your Motives
Take a step back and look at why you’re doing what you’re doing.
Some are workaholics because they find value in their career and what they accomplish there. Some, particularly mothers, judge themselves by how much their kids participate in and how well they do.
Is much of our busyness merely us striving for significance? Do we seek the praise of men? Or do we find our value in who we are in Christ?
This can be tricky, because it’s easy for us to mistake love for our kids with love for our own egos. After all, we just want to “give them opportunities” – right? But we need to be brutally honest.
Before we can make God-honoring decisions about our schedules, we have to empty ourselves of our own agendas. As parents, we want to serve and obey God by loving and raising our kids well. Are we focused on them – and him?
5. Trust the Sovereign
We are called to be good parents, yes. But we’re also called to be obedient in all areas of our life.
When we pour out love on our kids but neglect God’s instructions for our health, our rest, or our personal spiritual life, we’re essentially telling God that He doesn’t know what He’s doing.
“God, please bless my children and protect them. But that whole part about taking care of my physical health – I’ve thought about it, and I think I’ve got a better solution.”
Our Sovereign God is not going to make an accounting error and require us to cram 30 hours of activity into a 24 hour day. He’s not caught unaware of our trials and to-do lists and obligations and high-blood pressure.
Before he created the world, he knew you’d be facing the stress you’re facing right now. He lovingly wrote the Bible knowing it would help you with all your problems, including a loaded schedule.
The Bible’s words on how to live didn’t become obsolete in 2011. God is absolutely in control, and he knows what he’s doing.
Our job is to be faithful with the time that we are given and to trust Him with the rest. Even if that means sacrificing “opportunities” for our children, we can trust that our faithful obedience will be rewarded and He’ll more than make up for the piano lessons that were cancelled.
What other tips would you have about how to fight the back-to-school stress?
Have you ever had to make some tough decisions to be obedient to God with your time?
Loren is a Christ-follower, a husband, and a father. I have a passion for helping people manage their time in a Biblical way, stewarding their lives for the glory of God. You can find his well written, practical and useful blog at Life of Steward, or follow him on Twitter and Facebook.
{Photo courtesy of Kristen Palmer Photography}
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Thanks so much for taking the time to guest post, Loren! These tips are so useful for me as a mom all year round, not just when I’m feeling extra stressed.
Tip #3 is something I can definitely start doing! My challenge is figuring out what’s important and what can be put on hold when there is just so.much.to.do! But, I feel like if I had a better grasp on my schedule maybe I would really get more done and then there would be sooooooooo much to do all the time.
Keri, thanks for allowing me to post. It was my privilege!
#3 really is the crux of it all. With limited time, we have to acknowledge that we must make tough decisions. It’s always a work in progress and something we’ll have to manage day-by-day. While we don’t want to let ourselves off the hook and justify any wasting of time, we also must offer ourselves grace and see ourselves as Christ sees us. I think that’s one of the reasons I’m so passionate about time stewardship; there’s so much tied up in it.
I live and die by calendar and my Flow (iPhone and cloud based software). I schedule everything so that I don’t steal away time from anything. It’s not a perfect system, but it works out pretty good for me. These are some good tips. “examine your motives” hits hard, because often I don’t have a pretty good reason to do some things but I do them to say…. I did them. I think I’m better off cutting those off my worklist.
Great post Loren. Thank you Keri for letting Loren play in your backyard.
I think a lot of it has to do with your personality. Some people don’t mind very regimented schedules, other people need a little more flexibility. I’m with you, Moe, I like to schedule a lot.
Glad you enjoyed the post man!
You’re so hard core, Moe.
The “quetion your motives” is one of the biggest reasons I asked Loren to do this post, so I’m so glad he hit on that. So much of what we do in America is at its root about wealth. For example, we put our kids in soccer as early as 2, to be sure that they are exposed to the game, so that if they are really good, they’ll get an early start, hopefully be a star athlete in high school, and get a scholarship for college, and then play professional MLS, and make lots of money. Really? What percentage of kids actually go on to do that? Meanwhile, Mom’s running around like a crazy person trying to get 3 kids to their separate practices, sacrificing good nutrition, rest, even time with God. {Thanks for letting me go off.}
Good one Loren! This is a continual process for me, and I need to keep in mind to focus on that which is of eternal significance, and resist the temptation to push the most important aside. I also thrive in an environment that has some margin as I’m less on the edge when something unexpected comes up that requires attention. I always think of this as operating life in one big box, as opposed to multiple, sharp-edged boxes where most men live. Food for thought guys!
I totally agree with thinking of life as one big box. It helps me to not think of my life as achieving balance so much as achieving obedience.
Chris, I certainly need a degree of margin in my life, too. I find the older I get {or maybe it’s just the more kids I have}, the more margin I need to think, pray, and just reflect on my life. When I don’t have time for that, I get pretty cranky.
My kids are older now (16 and 19), so I must confess that I am somewhat relieved that those rushing-around back-to-school days are over. It’s actually great to enter this new chapter with my wife, to have additional time and space on our hands to pursue new and exciting adventures.. even if it is just to relax and do nothing for long stretches of time.
Speaking of which, I would add that to your great list here. Leave room for nothingness – for down time, for letting things fall apart, for sponataneous goofiness, for playing hookie from the calendar. It’s okay once in a while.
Leaving in a bit of intentional margin is definitely a great idea. I’ve got to admit that part of me looks forward to the different schedule I’ll have in the empty nest period of my life. But then again, I think I also looked forward to how things would slow down when I got out of school, how things would slow down when I got married, etc. – and those aren’t working out too well for me, heh.
Bradley…I grew up in a very task-oriented family. It has been really hard for me to recognize that down time is not only useful, but also necessary to a healthly life. I’m really glad you brought that up. Oh, and I love that the new transition for you and your wife has brought increased time together.
Welcome to Pop Parables. Ya’ll come back now, ya hear?
Wow. Loren…these are great tips!
And just in time too!
My little 5 year old girl is starting kinder this Monday and is going all day to school….she went to pre-k for 3 hours last year so she is no stranger…BUT, this year is going to a new school. We are kinda nervous because in the other school (a different distric) my sister in law was a teacher at that school…and we really liked the school alot…but, thinking future wise…it lead to a high school we did not feel good about…..so we changed districs…so we are back to square 1 in the unknown….
But I love your number 5: To trust in the soverign! How I needed this Loren…Thanks…
The first full year of “big girl” school – how exciting! Sounds like you guys have prepared her well.
Wow-big changes on the horizon for your family, Arny! My son is starting his 2nd year of preschool this Fall. And, even though I know he will love kindergarten, in many ways I’m apprehensive of how it will change the schedule for the rest of the family since I will still have 2 little ones at home.
Yes! Big Changes! LOL…
it’s gonna be difficult…more for my wife than me, but difficult none the less….last year she went to pre k in the afternoon. 12-3pm…..so they would get wake up at a…uh…lets just say NOT early….lol…
so this year its it bright eyed and busy tailed by 6:30am!!!!! whooo hoo!!!!! LOL…
and we have 1 at home…caleb (3)….he really wants to go to school…..(he now thinks he is going to “mommy’s school” LOL…
Oooh, the early morning wake up. I’m not looking forward to that either!
Great thoughts here on parenting. As a busy parent I struggle with this as well. I’m learning to cut the fat in areas where it needs to happen. It’s not easy but it takes some introspection and reflection on our parts.
I almost think it’s fun to cut the fat, in a way. You can make a game of it and constantly look for ways to do things better. Of course, I’m kinda strange like that
Yes, that is a little strange, Loren. But, honestly, I wish I could be more like that sometimes. My challenge is letting efficiency get in the way of relationship. Just today I was thinking-the quick way isn’t always the only answer. Sure, it would be much faster for me to do the laundry myself. But, the boys ALWAYS want to help and this is a way that we can spend time together, teach them about hard work, and servanthood. Yet, there are certainly times when I have to say, “No, Mommy needs to do this by herself right now.”
Welcome to Pop Parables, Eric! It really is great to “meet you”. I clicked over to your blog as well as the recent guest post you had done for FeelGooder.
I love your blog header! Clean, simple, but unique.
I’m with you on the introspection and reflection. I think that’s the part that I struggle with. At the end of the day, I’m exhausted and overwhelmed what all that there is to do. That’s usually when the fat sneaks in-things like wasting time online, watching mindless tv, or even the real kind of fat-snacking! AGGGGGH
Although I’m not a parent, I still have moments where I do have to make tough decisions with time. Do I always make the right choice? No. But, it’s a work in progress. I know that there are times I have to put of something “fun” in order to get work done.
It’s always a work in progress, and I don’t think anyone except for Jesus has ever perfected it. But we keep trying for his glory!
That’s part of being an adult. A part I don’t like. It’s a good thing I married someone who is opposite than me, or else we’d always just be having fun and no one would pay the bills.